I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
