So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
