$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had sex on a roof
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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