so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
