No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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