Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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