1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
