I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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