she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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