An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
