yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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