umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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