Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
