You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
