I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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