..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
