i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
