She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
