she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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