im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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