guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
PANTIES FOUND
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