im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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