I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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