Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
