I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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