She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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