I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
