he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
