how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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