I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
