I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
