Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
