..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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