Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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