Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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