Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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