there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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