My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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