im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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