dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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