so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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