i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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