i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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