I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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