Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
