where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
being pregnant is like rehab
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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