It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
