also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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