i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
