Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
