I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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