this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
