my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
