I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to calm my uterus...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
