You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
