He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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