Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
