Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.