Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The uberlube is also flammable
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo