I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.