your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"