he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
