It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize