It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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