We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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