I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
